dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My life is pants optional.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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