Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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