just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
