We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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