ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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