i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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