I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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