feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
