Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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