cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize