you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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