I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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