Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
