is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
