He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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