While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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