My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
