my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
