Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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