It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
