you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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