I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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