afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize