Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
