omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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