You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
