Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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