jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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