Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
