Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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