remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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