Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
