What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
