Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them

Fav 30 5691 1967
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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

Fav 15 5766 1249
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(253): View more from Washington

waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

Fav 11 6437 1648
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(406): View more from Montana

A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

Fav 5 2992 1231
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(941): View more from Florida

I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

Fav 5 1540 968
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(704): View more from North Carolina

There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.

(904): View more from Florida

And you say you're not good with numbers...

Fav 5 1407 635
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(843): View more from South Carolina

What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.

Fav 16 3188 1217
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?

Fav 5 538 933
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(808): View more from Hawaii

God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends

Fav 0 62 5
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