It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
