i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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