Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize