I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
