Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
