Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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