I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
