I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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