Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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