Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
