did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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