My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
