Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
worst night to have a conscience
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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