Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
