I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
