if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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