If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
