You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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