after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
