Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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