let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
