After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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