i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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