and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
