The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
