i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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