Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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