u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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