Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize