In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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