somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
