I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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