you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
