Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
God I need to hump something, right now.
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