my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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