I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
