I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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