Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
