I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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