she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
