if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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