It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
