You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
