I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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