i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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