roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
