she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
