Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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