Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
