I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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