woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this hospital has no fireball
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
