I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
