I met the friendliest cop last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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